but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
