Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
