I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
