So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
