What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
