i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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