she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
