then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
