So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
