More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
