i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
