Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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