he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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