Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
