oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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