How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
