Are we in a gay sports bar?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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