just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
