So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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