fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
