Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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