the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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