We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
