No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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