Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize