Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
