I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
