True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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