You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
