Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is the high leading the old right now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
