Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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