hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize