you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
