someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Randomize
