Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
