toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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