I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
