I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
