dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize