I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
