i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
