so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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