Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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