Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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