I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
