Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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