I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize