I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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