I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
