where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
