I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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