At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
