She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
