sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
