chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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