I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
