so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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