she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
