I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
