Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize