Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
