Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
