True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
