i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
