4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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