Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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