i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
