I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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