we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
