Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
