this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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