im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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