I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
