dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
