The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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