You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
