Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
