Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
