Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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