I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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