is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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