someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
