just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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