There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
