he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
