Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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